Poem for a New Beginning

When wondering around the internet, I found a blog with a beautiful poem about new beginnings. It's not only fitting my new beginning and struggle at my new job, but also with 2012 right around the corner. Enjoy reading and let it speak to your mind.

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In out of the way places of the heart
Where your thoughts never think to wander

This beginning has been quietly forming
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire
Feeling the emptiness grow inside you
Noticing how you willed yourself on
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the grey promises that sameness whispered
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

~john o donohue~

Ciao!
Ixis

Happy holidays!

I would like to whish everyone a merry christmas and lot's of love and health for 2012! That a new year may bring everyone new opportunities, love and happiness. I hope that 2012 will bring me insight into my job and interests. That I may discover what direction I would like to follow concerning my career and that I may be happy in my job. Hopefully 2012 will be the year of living together for my boyfriend and me. It is an entire new period in my live with all related new issues.

Merry Christmas and a happy Newyear everyone!

Ciao!

Ixis

quote

A great quote I should take as an example in my new job. I can only give the best of me.

Two weeks at my new job

I've been at my new job for two weeks now and I'm still quite nervous every morning. I still need to get used to the procedures and regulations and find my own role. Given the dynamics of my function, there is not really and introduction program. But in a new situation like this I find it very nice to have some structure and be able to create a framework within all activities take place. I am still very insecure about my job and whether I am able to get the hang of it.

While surfing the internet regarding experiences with the same situation I often read that the working atmosphere and the company's culture are a major cause of the insecurity and doubts whether this is thé job for people, but in my case it is the content of the job. Experience was asked in the vacancy and the is something I just don't have yet since I only graduated in the end of August. However, they didn't put their faith in me for nothing (Or was I just really convincing and showing a strong personality during the job interview?).

Missing this experience makes it for me really difficult to have a framework concerning the work. I simply don't have any references yet to process all the information I get. This is my baseline measurement. However, I am expected to create my own vision concerning the work. Of course this often is the case with a very first job and do I need to develop this in due time. Fortunately the company's culture is very good, I am involved in meetings, lunches and I feel very welcome. But can I get the hang of this job? And most of all, will I enjoy this job for some unknown period in the future?

Ciao!

Ixis

quote

Everyday funniness

Love Paris

Eiffel Tower by night

Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to visit Paris for a couple of days. I've been there before but not this close to Christmas which puts in in a completely new perspective. Paris is the capital and largest city in France, situated on the river Seine, in northern France. The city of Love it's also called, for me probably because of the beautiful France language, the history of the city and the appearance of the city.

I went there with some of my family members for 2 days. As we went by bus, the driver could enlighten us with lots of facts and figures about the city and drive us to must-see places. We walked up and down the Champs Elysees and the Christmas market. It was crowded but very cosy with food, drinks and Christmas songs on each corner.

Sacre-Coeur

Arc the Triomph

But there are a lot of other beautiful places within the city, which I visited the second day. For example the painters area of Montmartre, which is also home to the Basolique du Sacre-Coeur. Montrmarte always had a history with artists and has many cafés of great artists in the area. But also the Arc the Triomph on which every city is marked in which Napoleon has ever been to, and of course the famous Eiffel Tower. A visit to the Louvre shouldn't be missing, so a quick visit was paid. 

Paris is such a large city, you could easily spent several days there. If you want to visit the entire city you need more than the two days I spent there. If you get the chance, go there and let the city inspire you!

Ciao!

Ixis

My first 2 days

My first two days in my new job are behind me. It's a friendly environment with lots of new faces and information which all needs to sink in. It's just adjusting these first few days, weeks even maybe. I hope to master the work quite soon but I have to give myself some time to get familiar with everything. I'm just a perfectionist and want to know everything and everyone of the very first day. I'm quite insecure about the stuff am I supposed to do. But hopefully everything will work out just fine. I'm scared!!!

Ciao!

Ixis

goodbye Grandpa

It's been a while since my last blogpost, but my last few days were quite hectic. 2 days before my job interview I got the news that my grandfather was admitted to the hospital. That's never good news, but my grandfather has a history of heart disease for which he has been admitted earlier. But he is a strong man and always faught his way back and overcame his hospital stay. Up untill the last time he was admitted. 

Saturday November 12th my mom told me that grandpa had been admitted to the hospital. Nothing too serious yet, he was retaining fluids coming from his weaker heart. Sunday I went to see him, telling him about my job interview the next day. He even was giving me advice about what to do, and how to look the sweet man. Even in the hospital bed he was thinking about others and about his grand daughter looking good the next day. He was up and awake and I had good hopes for him to come home. 

As you know I got the job and the first thing I wanted to do was tell my grandfather. However, he was on the coronary care unit where no phones are allowed. My aunt went to see him monday evening and told him. The night from monday to tuesday back luck stroke. I don't really know what happened but it was not good news. Apparently CPR had to be performed. As the days progressed my grandfather got worse. I saw him again on wednesday but my grandfathers condition got worse. He was tired from the medication he got for the kidneys as the heart could not do the work properly anymore, but he was still quite bright asking about my new job. 

The next friday I visited him again but I really saw him getting worse. I still didn't want to leave my hope as he was way worse 2,5 years back and still faught his way back. But I saw him getting more tired, more absent and everything. That weekend everything deteriorated very fast as sunday my parents told me that the drugs were stopped to see how strong his own heart would be as the drugs couldn't make him better anymore. The whole family was by his side the next few days. Even grandma who didn't want to come to the hospital. Sunday he was really restless and probably in pain. It was so tuff to watch. You really feel powerless at such time. 

Monday I had a second interview at my new job to discuss the contract and I was invited to participate in a meeting for a project I'm going to do. After that I went to the hospital where my  grandfather was more peaceful as he got more morphine. We knew it was just waiting for him to choose his moment to pass away, which he did in the night from monday to tuesday. 

After that the days were filled with organizing the funeral which was quite hectic. I'm so glad that I didn't have to start with my new job yet and that I had the time to be part of everything concerning the funeral. It really was a family activity which gave me a lot of support. Due to these circumstances my aunt (who was supposed to go to Paris last weekend) asked me to go with my niece. Of course I would! So I went this weekend to lovely Paris! 

After these hectic 2 weeks I had a few days to recover before I start my new job tomorrow. Kind of exiting, but I know now once again that family and love are more important things to worry about that worrying whether I'm good enough for the job. They did choose me for a reason after all.

I love you grandfather, I'm grateful for the times we spent together and I will never forget you. For always in my heart!

Ciao!

Ixis

Hired!!!

I'm hired!! Yesterday I had my very first job interview for my very first job after student life, and I'm hired! I'm soo happy, since it's a job in an organization in which I really wanted to work. It's the company for which I performed my master thesis. I can already start in 2,5 weeks so it's just great!

Ciao!

Ixis

D-Day

Tomorrow is my first job interview. I'm really nervous. Trying to get some good night sleep and be all fit an shiny tomorrow.

Ciao!
Ixis

Second Job Interview

Got another invitation! Next tuesday I'm invited for a second job interview! Real great, but really scary as I am to 'proof' myself. It are both good tests for me on how to present myself and show and explain in this limited time who I am and what I can bring into the company.

I'm already reading some frequently asked questions, studying the companies websites and all. But the real trick for me is to stay calm and relax and not stress out already 3 days before the first interview. Because that is my real test. I know I'm able to present myself quite well, but keeping control of the nerves and with that remembering everything I wanted to say is a whole different aspect.

Ciao!
Ixis

Job interview

Today I received an invitation for a job interview! Great news, but already slightly panicking.... My first serious job interview and not just for an internship or student job. Sh*t! I really want this job so preparation is the key. Getting familiar with the company, knowing my own strengths and weaknesses, thinking about the question why the should hire me, and not the candidate before me. Yes, I want this. I'm going to do it and leave a good impression! Hopefully it will do the job.

Ciao!

Ixis

Your past

It's funny how your past sometimes catches up with you. Shows you a glimpse of how it used to be. Gives you a reminder of a time you don't want to get back to, or let's you look back on a carefree time.

Last week my past caught up with me when I encountered two people from the past. My boyfriends ex-girlfriend. The one which gave (gives) me an inferiority complex. And my ex-boyfriend. Words were not exchanged and the ex-girlfriend probably didn't even see me. My ex-boyfriend however saw me and looked at me, but his facial expression did not change at all. No recognition probably? I did look totally different than 6 years ago, with my haircut and glasses. Or was it resentment as we didn't split up quite nicely. That he did recognize me, but did not want to say anything.

Why did my past caught up with me? What lesson needs to be learned? Or is it mere coincidence? I don't know. But I do know that it is quite coincidental that I encountered both these persons on the same day in the same location. It does make me think about stuff again.

Ciao!

Ixis

something to inspire you

"The best things in life are unseen, that's why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry & dream..."

inspiring quotes

When surfing on the internet I read some inspiring quotes which I would like to share with you. Just let them sink in and think about it.

• When you don't believe in it, it will never happen.
• Starting plus continuing is conquering.
• Control your anger, or the anger will control you.
• The longest road, is that on which one stumbles.
• It is not a shame when you fall, but it's terrible when you do not get up

Ciao!

Ixis

Job Hunting

As I wrote earlier, I am graduated and have started my job hunt. Up until this week I still had some finishing to do with the research company for my master thesis. The final presentation, writing a Dutch summary and the interview for the company magazine for example. Last week was the closing week concerning this and my thesis was officially closed/ended. Then, I went to a governmental temporary employment agency to subscribe myself as a job seeker. Last wednesday I went there, but it turned out that no meeting was scheduled (even though I was told on the phone there would be), so I showed up for nothing. Argh! Next friday a new appointment is scheduled so hopefully it will help.

This week is just empty. There is nothing left to do for me concerning being a student, I wrote several job application letters, so now it's just waiting for an invitation or not. If not the search will start all over again. But my days now are just real empty. I'd love to keep up my blog writing, but I just don't have much inspiration. Cleaning the house, feeding and playing with the cat, playing some computer games, watching tv. It's nothing like the holiday's when I was still a student. Perhaps it only feels like a holiday when you know there is something waiting for you to get started on when you get back.

Ciao!

Ixis

quote

Friendship

Who are true friends? People you meet become an acquaintance, stay just people you have met, become an 'enemy' or they become friends. Why do certain people become friends and others don't? As the text in the picture says: "A friend is someone you can be alone with and have nothing to do and not be able to think of anything to say and be comfortable in the silence." I absolutely agree. There aren't much people with whom I feel this way. A true friend is so valuable!

It's not always easy to make friends. You feel a certain 'click' or you don't. With some people, it's rare'  I feel a certain calm attitude which instantly makes me feel at ease. With others it's not that way. They can be very nice and very friendly, but when you're with them, you feel this need to keep a conversation going. To say "fine and you?" when they ask you how you are doing?

A true friend is really rare. So cherish those you have met. Let them how you appreciate them and value them for what they are and what they give you by just being them.

Ciao!
Ixis

Quote

Poem

Love is light and love is true

Every dream shows the light in being with you.

Today, some moments let the sun in too,

For which the nights have way more value.

Inspiration

Inspiration is something I'm missing sometimes. 

Gran Canarian pictures - Puerto de Mogan

This year I went to the Canary Islands, Gran Canaria to be more exact. Visiting this beautiful and warm island I also visited Puerto de Mogan. This lovely little picturesque fishing village is set at the mouth of a steep-sided valley on the southwest coast of the island. The canal-like channels linking the marina to the fishing harbour have led to it being nicknamed "Little Venice" of the "Venice of the Canaries". It truly was astonishing.

please click further for more beautiful pictures
Ciao!
Ixis

Back again - Final presentation thesis

Long time no blogpost. it's been a little over 3 weeks I guess. But there wasn't much interesting going on to tell you. After my holiday (which was just wonderful!) I had about a week to prepare my final presentation at the research company, which was going to be the last activity in closing my thesis. Last tuesday was the day and I was expected in the management-team. I was really nervous, but my two supervisors and my classmate were also present as a back-up. After some technical issues with the laptop and beamer I was ready to begin my presentation. In the beginning my nerves almost got the best of me. When I'm nervous and have to tell something I'm always having difficulties catching my breath. I just had to relax, take a sip of the water and continue. Then it went fine :-) At the end I got nice feedback that I was very clear and did a good job. Even though I wasn't pleased with the start I happy with the feedback. So now my thesis-period has officially ended! Kind off strange also. My contact at the research organization revealed that there would be a vacancy in my field of expertise. So today I immediately wrote a letter and sent my job application. Keep your fingers crossed!

Ciao!

Ixis

Gratitude

A few days ago I felt so much gratitude towards everything I am and have. My parents who provide me a home filled with love, my boyfriend who makes me feel very special, my friends whom I feel blessed with and all the fun stuff I have been doing lately. Since I'm graduated I have a lot of free time, and finally I'm able to do stuff I wasn't able to do before due to time shortage. Visiting a friend who has moved to a different city, catching up with an other friend, go shopping with my mom. A couple of days ago I was not so friendly to my mom. Probably my hormones since it's the time of the month again, but still. Only afterwards I usually realize how stupid I was acting. And it;s only out of love my mom does the things she does. We have a different viewpoint on some things, and some things about her annoy me, but I recon also the other way around. But still, I shouldn't have acted so childish. It's only afterwards I realize that. I truly love my mom and dad but I don't say that enough. The things I have a different opinion about are just too small to make a fuss out of it. So just let it be. I'm so blessed to have been born in this family and this home with all the things my parents provide me. I'm just grateful.

Ciao!

Ixis

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Job hunting is scary

My job hunt has not really started yet, but I am searching the internet, the newspapers, linkedIn and stuff for vacancies or companies that I want to contact. But, I find it kind of scary. I'm not really an introvert person, but contacting these strangers and asking for a job does make me feel uncomfortable. Like nerves before a presentation, a first day meeting new people. How silly. It's scary because it's for the rest of my life. At least that's how it feels. One year ago my friend was in the same position and I was reassuring her that it's not for life. That a job can be temporary and that she is her own director. She took a temporary job and upcoming October she is starting a job she likes and has studied for. So now here I am, one year later. Graduated and ready to start the professional career. I'm worried that I will not find a job I studied for with my master's degree. That I'm stuck in a classical HR job which I don't want for all my life. Yes, I had doubts about whether or not I would be happy doing HRM work my entire life, for which I decided to do what I want in obtaining my master's degree. So I should stop the wining and go find myself a decent job which I will love, for which I'm trained and which is relatively close to home! :D  Ow my, and now I'm not even started yet.....

Ciao!

Ixis

Adele - Someone like you

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things, I didn’t give to you

Old Friend
Why are you so shy ?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it
I'd hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me, it isn’t over

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah

You’d know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised , in a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight out
I hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me, it isn’t over yet

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah

Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes they’re memories made
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah, yeah  

Racoon - Love you more

Once in a while I hear a song on the radio that reminds me of 'old times'. Racoon - Love you more is one of these songs, and I would like to share it with those of you who don't know it, and with those of you who also like to listen to it. Fot me it's just one of these feel good songs and it reminds of a summer a few years back, which was just wonderful. It started just at the end of schoolyear in which spring started to turn into summer. The temperature went up, the sun was shining and I felt good (yeah, just like that song!) I met new people and friends that summer and back then this song was often on the radio. Enjoy!

Ciao!

Ixis

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First rejection

A few weeks ago I wrote about my first serious job application. A few days ago I received a notice that I did not belong to the first candidates the company wants to interview. However, they do want to keep my application on the reserve-list in case they do not find an appropriate candidate after these job interviews. It is possible that this just is a fancy no-you-are-not-getting-this-job-but-we-dare-not-say-this-out-front, but hopefully they truly mean this and don't have all the applicants who are not invited on the reserve-list. Well, we will see. My first application is a fact, and my first rejection also. First rounding off everything with the master thesis, and then after my holiday the true job search will start, if something didn't come along before that.

Ciao!

Ixis

Dreams

Dreams are funny things. I like to think that it's not just a chemical reaction in the brain but that a dream truly carries messages and/or meaning from our subconsciousness. Sometimes dreams can seem so vidid! I'm a person who remembers dreams very easily. Everybody dreams a couple of times per night, but not everyone remembers what their dream was about. I often do and it's remarkable to notice what the brain or your subconscious fabricates. Sometimes I'm wondering whether two persons can share a dream. As dreams itself are such complex things it would be great be to able to connect through dreams. Occasionally I like to believe that such a thing is possible. That, when I'm dreaming, an other person is dreaming the exact same thing. 

I dreamed about you again last night. Once in a while you come by in my dreams and we share experiences. 

Ciao!

Ixis 

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Happy 6-year anniversary!

Today, September 5th, my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. We have had our differences and even a short break-up, but we also have found each other as friends, soul mates and lovers. How cliche, but often cliches are true! He supports me through difficult times, he is always there for me and he will do anything for me. He makes me laugh and he annoys me from time to time. Meant to be together? Perhaps :) My standpoint regarding to this is you never know, but just make the best of it, as you are still happy together. Hopefully next year we can celebrate our 7th anniversary in our own home!

Ciao!

Got my own signature

I got my own signature and I think it's pretty cool! Got it from the 'mylivesignature' website which can be found here. When visiting other blogs I spotted such signature and I wanted one too. So here it is!

Ciao!

Quote

OMG....

Got my grades yesterday, all friggin 5 of 'em! I got three times and eight and two times a nine, which is actually just amazing! Never thought tho get five grades, and I'm not really sure what they all mean, but I presume I will find out soon :) When receiving my grades I also got some feedback before making the version truly final and official. Some numbers in my tables have to be changed, but in order to do that I have to do some SPSS analyses over again. But I might already have forgotten how to perform these analysis. Well perhaps next week :) Then in october there will be a presentation for the research company. I've already mentioned twice that the only possibility (due to holiday's) is the last two weeks of october. The message back also said two times that it will be deliberated whether it can take place on a certain date in september or October. omg.... No! I'm sorry this is not possible, my supervisors is on holiday in september and she also wants to be there. 

Yesterday was the last day people could apply for the job I applied for the other day. Now, I am supposed to hear something within 5 workingdays. I'm already kind of nervous. I just really hope I will get an interview. 

Ciao!

Ixis

Graduated!

Ok, that went a lot faster than expected! I thought I was going to hand in my final concept version sunday evening and that I would still be busy with processing some feedback until wednesday. But yesterday at the university, my classmate and I were already congratulated with achieving our master's degree! Wow it is just so weird! I didn't set my mind to it yet. There is nothing left to change in my piece anymore. Ow... did I see all the spelling mistakes? No, because I saw one yesterday evening. Sh*t! I do not have my grade yet, which is also a little weird. Because normally you first get your grade after which you hear if you graduated or not. So now I'm sitting here, nothing to do anymore after six months of courses and six months of research project. It still hasn't sunk in yet. I think I will receive my final grade today or tomorrow an then somewhere in October graduation. It's just a bit unreal.....

Ciao!

Ixis

Four more days

In four days it's going to be August 31, the deadline for handing in my master thesis. I am almost finished, but still some things left to do. Of course the spelling check, correcting the management summary, checking the outline in the tables, pretty up the appendix and things like that. Pretty existing and pretty stressful. This monday one of the supervisors will be back from her vacation and by then I want to have handed in my very last concept version. However, my other supervisors en passant mentioned that maybe they are going to grade the thesis already on monday. Would be so weird being done with this research project. Those six months working on it flew by. Then again, when this is finished my days as a student are over and I'm almost ready (have to get my diploma still!) to start my professional career. But for now, four more days and than vacation!

Ciao!

Ixis

Job application

I applied for a job today! Since my master thesis is almost finished and graduation will follow, I might as well start my job hunt already. For a few months I already keep track of interesting vacancies and companies which appeal to me, but today I seriously filled in a job application for a job in health sciences. The job opening seems really interesting and definitely something I would like doing! It's actually pretty exciting to see what it will bring! So fingers crossed.

Ciao!

Ixis

Quote

Your life is defined by it's opportunities. Even the ones you miss....

Little things make the world

It's true, life is full wonderful little things. An elderly mother wanting to buy a newspaper for her son because he is currently looking for a new job. I think this is just the sweetest thing! Things like this help to see the world as a place full of little wonders.

Ciao!
Ixis

Am I sorry?

Wednesday I wrote about the words of wisdom that you'll be sorry anyway when you get married. Now I'm not married yet, but I'm wondering if I'm already having regrets about my relationship. Because, sometimes I do. I was young when I met him and just started with this whole dating thing. Six years later we are still a couple. However, there are periods (such as I'm in right now) that I need more 'me-time'. At the moment my life is pretty busy due to my master thesis and my student job and then I also have a boyfriend who asks (well demands..) time from me. Because if I don't give him attention, he will come and get it and demands even more attention. I don't need that right now. I'm still young now, but I'm feeling I'm missing out on a lot of things. My boyfriend is not really a spontaneous kind off guy in his actions. I also want a boyfriend who comes down a slide with me or who 'steals' a bloated dolphin out of a garden on a festival. I feel I'm missing out on stuff because he wants me to be with him every day and every night. Am I regretting being in this relationship? Or is it the stress of finishing my thesis and the fear of the 'black hole' coming after it? I don't know...

Ciao!

Ixis

You'll be sorry anyway

As a student job I am a receptionist at an elderly care centre. Occasionally new people come to live at this home. Today and elderly man and his wife came by, to see one of our rooms, the man is going to live with us due to his care needs. This process of him getting this flat didn't go very smooth, and as the holiday seasons progresses several of our employees are on vacation. This isn't exactly smoothening the process. Today both him and his wife were grumpy about this whole process and all the delays. At one point this afternoon, when they were looking at the flat, the man came to ask me something. When walking back to the flat, he shared me the story of him and his wife, and that she has cancer. He told me out of the blue and I really felt sorry for them. His wife is sick and now all of this trouble with the flat comes on top of that. At one point he asked me what I knew about marriage. He told me a very wise thing. When married, you will always get regrets. It didn't really made sense to me until he elaborated on it. When you get married, you will regret it when you married too fast, but you will also regret it when you married too late. Wise words, from what I think a wise man. Hope everything will turn out ok with the flat, so that he and his wife will have one thing less to worry about.

Ciao!

Ixis

The black hole

Ok, metaphorically speaking then. Yesterday I wrote about my master thesis and that I'm almost finished. It's really great to be able to wrap up a six month project, but also a bit scary. Last year when I graduated from my bachelor, I had a nice two month holiday after which I knew I could start with my master. This year it's different. When I'm finished, it really is finished. Then I'm done as a student and ready to start a career. But what the f*ck am I supposed to do? I should know what I'm supposed to do as I have an education, but then I need to find a vacancy somewhere. I know what I want to do, but I guess it's not really possible with my studies. So I have to develop my career as it goes. But then I have to start somewhere. Then this black whole comes in. I always had a goal in my life. Finish secondary school, pass my first year of bachelor, finish bachelor, get admitted to master, finish master... but then what? When I'm done with this intensive year of university, it's not so obvious that I find a job in one or two months. All this free time! It's probably very nice in the beginning after the hectic year, but at a sudden point I think I want to do something again. Something that I studied for. Let's hope something comes on my way and which I'm really interested in and brings me a lot of opportunities. But then, life doesn't bring you anything. You have to go and get it!

Ciao!

Ixis

Almost done

The deadline is approaching, the end is near... and you know what, I'm probably gonna make it! :) Last week, me and my study mate were making up the balance to see where we were at. We still had some things to do concerning our analyses, literature piece and methods part. After consulting with our supervisor we were able to finish our analyses and came to the conclusion that we are on track. While waiting on the appointment with our supervisors we worked on our theoretical background and methods part, so the only thing left is answering the research questions and writing the discussion. I started with this during the weekend so today is my first day since a very long time, that I'm not doing anything for my thesis! Well, accept writing about it on my blog... It's weird and slowly it begins to sink in that after this month I'm done with it and it's finished. The metaphorical black hole is approaching when I'm graduated and have to find a job. But that's something to worry about after my holiday, cause first I'm going to Gran Canaria for a week to relax from this (sometimes) stressful half year. But before I can leave I still have to finish my master thesis first. Three weeks left till the deadline. It has to be possible.

Ciao!

Ixis

What are the odds.... coincidence?

Ok, from the start. Since I met my boyfriend, I kind off have a huge minority complex towards one person. His ex. She just is a really beautiful girl, with a beautiful appearance. Nice face, nice boobs, really friendly, lot's of friends. She just has the whole package which I don't have. Occasionally, Don't really know why (habbit?) I follow her on facebook and I've seen she found a nice boyfriend. Over the years my jealousy towards her as an ex of my boyfriend has decreased as I know my boyfriend loves me and is done with her. So now it's just a girl whom I'm jealous of because she has this whole package. Still following me? Ok. Now, what does chance want.... 

The other day my girlfriend was really excited because she finally found a job for which she has studied. It took some time, since it is difficult to find that kind of marketing job around here so I'm really happy for her she found a job! She told me the company name and I went to their webpage. They also had a page with current employees, on which I clicked. Scrolling down the shock came when I saw this other girl's boyfriend between the pictures! So the new boyfriend of my boyfriend's ex is going to be a colleague of my girlfriend! What are the odds! Why did I have to see this? What was the purpose of me looking at the webpage? Well it sounds kind off lame when writing this, and it's really not the jealousy concerning my boyfriend and his ex dating. It's just the kind off girls I would like to be friends with and resemble. So all the activities I undertook to have a chance to meet (ok, pathetic), now my girlfriend is meeting her boyfriend. Yeah ok.. coincidence.... possibly.

Ciao!

Ixis

quote

living in a student dorm

Because I'm still busy with my master thesis, whereas most other students have summer holiday, I still have to go to my university. The other day I ran into my friend's sister and after telling her my summer pursuits she offered to let me stay in her student dorm for a while. After all, she is not there as she is celebrating her holidy. Great offer and it was so kind of her to do that! I decided it would be convenient for me, since that way I could save the money for train tickets. So Last week and upcoming week i'm staying at her room in my student city. She has a really nice room and a bathroom and kitchen to herself. By bike, I'm at the university in 10 minutes, compared to the hour it takes me by train. This time I've saved, I spent on cooking, so it all comes down to the same. I really like it! At some point it's a good thing I've never done this before, because than I would no longer be willing to travel this long by train. But now I also see what I missed and could have had, a real students life. I'm grateful to my friend's sister that I now can experience this. My friend already said I would have a great time, and she was absolutely right! My master thesis is slightly progressing, deadline of end of August is progressing.

Ciao!

Ixis

Busy Busy

Kinda feeling like this

Ok, no summer holiday for me. Really busy with the master thesis for a couple more weeks. Hope to finish it before the end of August but there is still a lot of work to do. So no regular updates for a while. So much to do, that I even don't find time to put my thoughts on this 'virtual paper'. Busy thinking about ANCOVA's, test of normality, skewness, regression blablabla... Well it's all for a good cause, a nice Master's degree!

Ciao!

Ixis

Somewhere over the rainbow

Lovely song for a lovely lazy sunday (even though it's thursday today...). The original title is actually just 'Over the Rainbow'. I love the vibe of this song. As I said, to me it feels like a lazy, sunny day in the fields looking at a sunset. A glowy orange sky with lights of sunshine still shining a bit. Just imagine and relax. 

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high

In the land that I heard of

Once, once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare you dream

Really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds

Are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds

Are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true

If happy little bluebirds fly

Above the rainbow

Why, oh why, can't I 

Growing up

Pfff.. I don't know about growing up. Today I visted some friends who just got the key to their first own house. It's going so fast. I grew up with the girl and I have some pictures of us being four years of age and playing together ion the sand. And now, she bought her first house and she is all grown up. It seems really nice to have your own place together with your boyfriend, but one part of me wants to stay a child because it is safe. Another part wants to be mature and explore the world. But there are choices to make. When growing up and spending your life with another person, it's inextricably connect to being less able to do whatever you want. There is someone else you have to take into account. You have to balance it. You should not leave your entire independence behind because it will make you unhappy. But you also cannot do al the things you want, when you want them anymore. Currently I'm in a period in my life in which this becomes very clear to me. People in my environment are growing up and so am I. I'm in the process of becomming an adult, which sometimes leads to these moments of confusion. I'm not ready yet, but I have to become ready. Because I see the changes in my environment I get in touch with reality again. I like living in my 'own' world as it is safe and familiar, while change can be a good thing too. It's a phase I have to go through and I hope time will show me the right answers of what I want (to become) in life and how I should proceed. We all have to grow up and be ready for this world

Ciao!

Ixis

You just know...

Somethimes you do things, you don't want to do. But you do them anyway to make someone else feel shit. However, it makes you feel bad as well as you did not want to do it in the first place, and afterwards you noticed it didn't work. I did something like that today and it makes me feel angry. With myself, that I lowered myself to do such thing and with the other party as the person knew the intentions (probably) and didn't do anything to be more wise party. And the goal I wanted to achieve by my actions was not even reached, so it was useless all over! You just know that somethings have to be handled differently, but emotions sometimes take the best of you. In those cases you end up being hurt or feeling shit even more.....

Ciao!

Ixis  

Bad weather

Waauw, currently some bad weather here, after a very and very hot day. Some heavy rains, winds, hail and lightning has been predicted but so far it's not as bad as was thought. The entire day some alarms have been given by the weather authorities and the trains follow a adapted schedule. Well let's see what it'll bring. I'm glad that these winds blow some fresh and cooler air. Sad thing it doesn't reach my room very well as it blows over the house and my room is at the back :(

Ciao!

Ixis

picture: Ron Nie

Friendship

A treasure of wisdom

Sometimes I just come across these beautiful picture which are worth looking at and reading. Sometimes you need to be remembered of certain aspects in life to genuinely appreciate it once more. It's up to you how you deal with situation that are thrown onto your path of life (Wow, how philosophical do I sound right now...) When reading this Dutch Magazine 'Happinez', there was an article about wisdom in which short but powerful was summarized: knowledge + experience = wisdom. 7 insights were chosen in this article which can give you wisdom. But to reach it, you have to experience it. Each insight has an exercise to lead you to and through this experience and the corresponding wisdom. I intend to follow these exercises on the insights: giving, unity, love, trust, wealth, happiness and speech. A bit like the seven deadly sins, but than the other way around. I will post updates of every insight and exercise, just to  have an extra motivation to really go through with it.

Ciao!

Ixis

Fathersday

A few days ago it was fathersday. And just as I did for my mom, I gave my dad a nice poem and a little present, to express my love for him very explicitly. Because he deserves it! The poem is originally in Dutch in which the words rhyme. Now I've translated it:

Dad,

A few kind and loving words for you,

As a thank you for all the good advice

Especially for you, my dad

My help and support

Daddy, you are the man, who during my entire life

gave me all your trust and security.

Therefore these kind and loving words,

Because I've learned a lot from you

I love you!

Relationship level

There are different relationship levels. From the one in which you are dating, seeing and spending time together and you are just most gallant like holding doors open, bringing a nice flower, not burping etc. to the level on which you are most comfortable with and around each other. I think my relationship just reached this level the other day, when my boyfriend came into the bathroom and peed when I was in the room. Even though we are 5,5 years together, we've never done that before. And to be honest, that was completely fine with me. I don't feel the need to pee in front of my boyfriend and I hope it was just a one time thing that he did it in front of me. Things like this show the 'raw' person, while I like to keep having this picture of the gallant gentlemen who courted me. I don't want this picture of him like a primitive man (not that he is, but hope you get what I mean). I like to have this idealistic view instead of this reality which occurs when 2 people have been together for a while. It's a good thing that he feels as comfortable as he does around me to do this, and probably I'm a weird one for even thinking about this kind of things but I just do. 

Ciao!

Ixis

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Looking back...

Source: www.cherrybam.com

There are some things in life that (looking back on it) were not the most smart things to do. But does life have to be all about being smart? As I posted in my previous article, I think not. You can write about the things you should or should not do, but actually doing things can trigger a reaction. Positive or negative. When I was 17 I kissed a boy whom I thought was real nice and cute. However at the time I was dating someone else for a month. This guy kind off made the decision on his own that we were dating, by telling me (after we kissed the first time) 'Ok, now I'm not single anymore'. I was 17 and just went with it. In this month we saw each other maybe 5 times, because he was graduating and had to study a lot. So I didn't experience it as a real relationship. Then this party came and I can remember it quite vividly. 'Just do, as you heart tells you to do' my girlfriend told me. And I did :) And kissed this guy I was really into. On the one hand you can say I cheated on this guy I was dating for a month. And technically I did. But I experienced this 'relationship' in a completely different way. If I wanted to do the smart thing, I should have told him that one kiss does not mean you immediately are in a relationship with the guy. But I was naive and didn't do that. So at the party, I followed my heart for the evening and that made me smile. 

Ciao!

Ixis

Talk Less, Do More

Ok, who am I kidding. I'm not a 'live-life-to-the-fullest' kinda person. I wish I was, but I'm not. All these quotes like 'live like there is no tomorrow' and 'live like everyday can be your last' are very beautiful ánd very true! But I don't life up to them. I'm very much of a doubter. About which glasses to buy, whether this pants look good on me, about whether or not to go to a party, about love.. sort off about everyting. I should talk less about these things and do more! I want to go that party, but on the other hand I don't. Why? I think because I almost never do things like this. I'm not spontaneous. Sometimes I'm jealous of some of my friends, just because they áre those type of persons who just do things. They feel like it, and they go for it. What's wrong with me that I am not like that? Eventually people may stop ask me to join for parties or other events because they know I will never come (well not never, but let's say, not often either). Because it's difficult with travel, with the time to come home, with my mom who rather has me close by to protect me. Yeah... and me? I'm a wimp who listens to all of it. As you may reason from this, I'm very insecure. Whether or not I'm liked enough and everything. I should stop talking about it and do more! Because every time I hear my friends talk about things they did, I whished I was there to join them and enjoy it with them. Sometimes I'm complaining that I'm not undertaking enough now that I'm still young. So I should just stop talking and do more. But why am I still in two minds?

Ciao!

Ixis

Master Thesis

It's been a couple of days since I've written anything. It's been a busy weekend for me as I had to work, had two birthday parties and two days of national holiday. But today it's kind off judgment day... Well in some sense. Today is the official start of my research project for my master thesis. Really exiting and hoping that everything will go as planned. Up until now it didn't go anything as planned, but here I am, at the same point I would have been at when everything did go according to my plan (saw a nice movie by the way about the ' plan of life' each person has, called 'the adjustment bureau'. Bit weird, but also nice). Anyhow... here I am. Probably a lot more stressed tough. My questionnaire has been activated and can be filled in now. I've been made aware of a 'normal' response rate on such questionnaires of about 30%. Currently after 1 day, my response rate is 4,3%. So it has to climb bigtime. Hopefully it will.. Ok it was a short little update. 

Ciao!

Ixis

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People come and go

By KissofCrimson

When I heard about the breakup of a befriended couple, I started to think about the ways in which people come into your life and the ways in which they go. In my view, this does not only apply to lovers, but to all people and human relationships in general. When a couple splits up, often one of them remains in the group of friends, while the other person returns to his or her own group of friends. In this situation, the girl came into the group so probably she will be leaving again. Some contact and staying in touch in the beginning but I think this will fade away eventually. I always could get along with her very well, and in some way therefore, I will miss her. And there are more situations like this in life. People you meet, and can get along with very well. Special people you just 'connect' with and enjoy spending time just in a friendship kind off way. Sometimes simple circumstances can take a dear friend, lover or someone else right out of your hands, never to be seen again. I've experienced it a few times in my life so far and actually it makes me sad to think of those people now that they are out of my life, because I miss them. Lost track of each other and lost touch. 

Unlike the text in the picture above, also those people who come and go again, can leave an intense footprint on your heart. I do believe that people come and go into your life for a reason. I read a nice quote that people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. It seems simple and clear but why are those people out of my life then? What is I learned, or was supposed to learn? It was said that without any wrongdoing on our part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. And as much as I would like to, sometimes reconnection just doesn't work...

Ciao!

Ixis

Seaside Rendezvous

Certain songs have a special kind off vibe and seem to attract you more than others. For me 'Seaside Rendezvous' by Dennis Kolen is on of those songs. When I listen to it, it sooths me and helps to calm me down. It truly has an effect on my mindset. For some reason I completely get carried away by it and my mind starts to drift and wonder. In stressful periods I like to listen to songs like this. Their melody and their lyrics help me to relax for a few minutes, which sometimes is necessary to see things in perspective again. It's hard to explain. Well, maybe you know what I mean. Give it a try and press play. It's absolutly a great song!

Ciao!
Ixis

Heartbreak

A few days ago I heard the news that a befriended couple is taking a break and probably splitting up. It's just awful news to hear! A few years back my boyfriend had a rocky period in which he didn't know if he wanted to continue his relationship with me. I was heartbroken and really felt miserable. When the girl in the befriended couple called me, I could hear the same pain and despair in her voice. She (as did I 2 years ago) did absolutely not see it coming from her (ex-)boyfriend, which made the impact of the news even harder. I was listening to myself when I heard her speaking on the phone and I just wanted to reassure and comfort her and tell her everything would be ok. But what do you say in moments like this? If you don't know if there is hope they will get back together again? It does make me think about my own relationship. After a period of break we got back together again. Now 2 years along I sometimes have these questions whether he is thé guy for me. As he is my first boyfriend and serious relationship I sometimes wonder what else is out there. But then.. I cannot stand the thought of us breaking up again or seeing him with some other girl. That must be a sign. How stupid it may seem I even am grateful to have experienced this 'experience of breaking up'. It's part of life and even though it was a shitty one, I have endured it and I survived. I hope I was able to lend an ear to the girl in the befriended couple, so she could tell her story and ventilate her misunderstandings about this situation. I really hope they will work out a solution and I kinda hope they will get back together again. But it's not up to me....

Ciao!

Ixis

One month anniversary

Today my blog is one month old! After my update at the end of the first week I decided to change the language from Dutch to English to see what effect it would have. Still ofcourse I have no clue whether you guys visit my blog out of true curiosity and interest or whether you happen to stumble upon it by chance. Nevertheless readers from foreign countries increased in these past few weeks and I could not only welcome you from Germany, Belgium and the United States, but also from Cyprus, Spain, the UK, Indonesia, Norway and Hongkong. How cool is that! Welcome to all of you! Still I do not really have one clear theme for my blog posts, but it's kind off like a mishmash. I hope my blog will continue to grow in the next month and hopefully your visits will keep increasing. I didn't start this blog because I wanted readers. I just wanted to post my thoughts and literally share them with the world. But then when you see the stats and realise someone from Hongkong dropped by, it's makes you realize how small the world is on the internet and makes you wonder what possibilities there are. Enjoy your visit to Ixis Ideas!

Ciao!

Ixis

Federer - Nadal

source

Exiting tennis final between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Recently I my self started to play tennis and now it's even more fun to watch certain matches and see how the game is supposed to be played. At the moment it's quite close between the both with 2 sets to 1 for Nadal. Let's see who will stick out the longest and will win the French Open 2011.

*update 22.13 hrs*
Waauw what a last set. It looked so promising after the third set and then this fourth one with 6-1 to Nadal. You always hope for a nice match where the players really go up against each other. But Federer gave all he had and he had no more. I thought Nadal played more consistent throughout the entire game whereas Federer seemed to fall back a bit in this fourth set. Great match to look at and lots to learn for me. I'm already waiting for Wimbledon to begin! (And not only for the nice Wimbledon strawberries...)

Ciao!

Ixis