!!*2016*!!

Hello 2016! A new year. Unbelievable how fast it is going. It is such a cliché, but time is really flying. Not only when you are having fun. It is such an effort for me to live in the now. 

I love the quote, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. It really shows me what life is about. Surely you have to think about the future, surely you have to remember the past. But the only moment you can really influence is the now, today, the present. It is not for nothing it is called 'present'. Today is the day you live, today is the day you can decide to do what makes you happy. You are smart if you do things that will also make sure you will or can be happy in the future, but most is now. You don't know if the people you love are still with you in the future, you don't know if your health is still as good as in the future, you don't know if you still have your job. So why postpone what you can do today? 

I love this, this is how I want to live, but I find it difficult. Because everyday things take my attention. They absorb me and get me stuck. They prevent me from seeing the bigger picture, from what is really important. Well it is not entirely true. Especially all the fuss at work the last few months, also help me to remember this. So I try to live by it. It is damn hard for me, but as often as I can, I try to remind myself. 

What will 2016 bring. Who will know. A new year, new opportunities. Will I (we) make nice trips? What will happen job wise? I finally got my fixed contract. But all the changes for my department will surely get some crazing things to happen. How about my personal life? I quit birth control. Not to get pregnant yet, but I am turning 28 this year, and babies around me do get my baby jitters going. A new chapter in the book of Ixis. 366 (leap year) blank pages to fill (well it is the 11th, so 355 left). What will they be filled with? For the most part it is up to me.

Ciao!

Ixis

I quit birthcontrol...

Not to get pregnant, but just to get to know my body again without the additional hormones. I quit the birthcontrol pill. On my 'cycle' I was supposed to get my period last monday. Today is thursday. My friend also quit the birthcontrol pill a while ago, and it took 8 months for her period to come. 8 freakin months!!! So I am a bit nervous if my body still 'works'. And when it will be then. I think I feel some side effects allready. My hair feels greasy more quick. I just have to wait and see. But that is hard on me. The more my mind is caught up in it, the more long it will take probably. My friend started again with birthcontrol. But who knows, if it does take a while for my body to get a (regular) cycle, maybe by then we feel ready to welcome a child into this world.

Ciao!

Ixis

Finally some news.... I can stay!

Finally! It took like for ever. But last week I was told I can stay at my job. Permanently! They gave me a fixed contract. Got the letter in the mail november 6th. Waauw, my first fixed contract. A new chapter in my life.

Ciao!
Ixis

Quote

Life can be a puzzle. It is a puzzle for most of us. You can go on day by day on what feels like an automatic pilot. But what do we do it for? And does it make us really happy? For that is what I think we should seek. We should seek out that what makes us happy. Not in a selfish way, but in finding what it is that makes you care about the world and about others. I don't know if my computer work and desk job make me happy for the rest of my life (Yes, it comes back to my job a lot, but that is a big part of who I am now. And it sure claims a lot of space in my life because I think it is not that what makes me happy). If I find that, I can start giving in return. Because when you find what gives you energy. You don't have to seek anymore and you can focus on other stuff. At least that is the way I think it should be or can be. Or am I just also controlled and brainwashed by society and is it just utopia?

Ciao!

Ixis

10 Good Reminders for Stressful Times

There are lots of things in life which can cause stressful moments. Your job, your social life, all kinds of obligations to friends, family, colleagues, sports and so on and so on. There are times when you just get caught up in it. It is good to keep seeing things in perspective. While surfing I encountered 10 things to think about when life delivers a dose of difficulty and stress.  

1. Happiness is never constant, and it’s not supposed to be. – You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.  To believe that you can reach a state of happiness and stay there forever, is like the tide believing she can reach for the shoreline and remain there forever; or like a fruit tree believing that if she only holds on tighter, she can keep her fruit from dropping to the ground.  Happiness is simply a series of moments that come and go and add sweetness to our lives.  Learn to accept this, and the more happy moments you will have.  
2. Failures are temporary situations that teach us necessary lessons. – Life’s best lessons are usually learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  So yes, you will fail sometimes.  The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  So get out there and try!  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.
3. Even if you can’t see it now, you are making progress. – You may not be where you want to be yet, but if you think about it, you’re no longer where you once were either.  You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward.  Not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you survived the bad ones, and taken small steps in the right direction.  So cry for a moment if you have to, and get it out of your system.  Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak; since birth, it has always been a sign that you’re alive and full of potential.  Once you’re done, keep going!  You’re undoubtedly getting closer to where you want to be.
4. How you feel when you’re stressed is not a true measure of reality. – Just because you’re afraid, doesn’t mean you’re in danger.  Just because you feel alone, doesn’t mean nobody loves you.  Just because you think you might fail, doesn’t mean you will.  Look beyond your doubts and keep searching for the truth.  Be aware of your mental self-talk.  We all talk silently to ourselves in our heads, but we aren’t always conscious of what we’re saying or how it’s affecting us.  The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.  Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  The sun is always shining on some part of your life.  
5. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. – You can learn great things from your failures and mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.  If you’ve been asking the same questions for months or even years, yet are still stuck, it’s probably not that you haven’t been given the answers, but that you don’t like the answers you were given.  It takes a lot of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage still, to accept the responsibility for actually changing it.  The most important step forward is taking the first step.  The simple act of getting started and doing something will give you the momentum you need, and soon you’ll find yourself in a positive spiral of positive changes – one building on the other.
6. You are not what happened to you in the past. – No matter how chaotic the past has been, the future is a clean, fresh, wide open slate. You are not your past habits. You are not your past failures. You are not how others have at one time treated you. You are only who you think you are right now in this moment. You are only what you do right now in this moment.  
7. Not getting what you want can be a blessing. – Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck, because it forces you to reevaluate things, opening new doors to opportunities and information you would have otherwise overlooked.  Remember, some things in life fall apart so that better things can fall together.
8. Being a ‘work in progress’ is a great state to be in. – Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress.  Start embracing it!  Because being a work in progress doesn’t mean you’re not good enough today; it means you want a better tomorrow, and you wish to love yourself completely, so you can live your life fully.  It means you’re determined to heal your heart, expand your mind and cultivate the gifts you know you’re meant to share.  May we all be works in progress forever, and celebrate the fact that we are!
9. Nobody else can do it for you. – Keep doing what you know in your heart is right for YOU.  Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions louder than your words.  Live by choice, not by chance.  Make changes, not excuses.  Be motivated, not manipulated. Work to excel, not compete.  Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else.  It’s your road, and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
10. Life is not easy, but it’s worth it. – If you expect it to be, you will perpetually disappointed yourself.  Achieving anything worthwhile in life takes effort.  So start every morning ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.  Above all, make sure you properly align your efforts with your goals.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.

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Spoiled for Christmas - predicaments

Book eat, pray, love

I was really spoiled with Christmas. Two beautiful days surrounded with family, warmth, love, good food and presents. Lots of presents.  My boyfriend really surprised me by giving me a book I have wanted for some time now and a lovely game! I am truly blessed. Not because of these materialistic presents. But because we were able to spent Christmas together with the ones we love and were able to buy presents. Which means we can worry about what to buy for one another, because we don't have to worry about much more serious stuff like money issues of health complaints. Not fot these few days at least.

You know you are blessed in life when you worry about the little things. What to wear, what to eat, how busy you are at work and the one stupid colleague who doesn't listen to you. In my eyes, these all are actually nothings when you compare them to what really matters in life. Your loved ones and your (and theirs) health. Everything else doesn't matter anymore when somethings is up with that. So, when you catch yourself think about the business at work, or why your boss chose that project while you think it is completely wrong, just stop for a minute and realize that. Realize you are able to worry about these things because your base in life (your friend and family) are doing fine.

I did, after everything that happened to dad. But it sure as hell goes 'back to normal' very fast. This perspective of knowing an feeling what really matters, fades really quickly. Thank God my dad is doing ok now. I which and pray it stays that way. In a blink of an eye my day to day worries began to predominate again. Especially work, as that aspect in life is one which is giving me a lot to think about. Leaving me now, writing this, contemplating; do I work to live, or do I live to work? Knowing it and truly feeling it are 2 different things. All these adult responsibilities come into play which makes a decision much more hard.

Ciao!
Ixis

December 1st

December 1st 2013. Only one month, 31 days to day to go before we get to celebrate new years eve and start a new fresh year with hopefully lots of opportunities. A memorable date today. 2 years ago, december 1st I started my working career. One year ago I lost this job today as I couldn't be given a fixed contract. This year, today I formally start working fulltime at my job. I have been give this extra organizational part which comes with a lot of work. And I have started to work on it about 3 or 4 weeks ago. Up until now I have done it in 32 hours per week, so I had one day (wednesday) off. From this week on, starting tomorrow, I will be working fulltime. Last week I had an evaluation with my boss about how things are going. And I think they are going pretty fine. In the collaboration with my co-workers, with the projects and with my personal development. I feel I am learning, learning about what I want to do with my life. Since everything happend with dad I want to focus on what I want with my life more clearly. And the content of this job isn't that I guess. But, I want to go the states next year (only about 23? weeks left!). And we need to get a new car, and the mortgage needs to be payed. So I have to stick with this job for a little while longer. And that is ok, because it does have aspects which I like doing. And it helps me to define that particular job I want to do for the rest of my life. I like the contact with people, the conversation, giving them advice. But I am really unsure about the given advise because I don't feel confident enough about the matter, the content. I don't like bureaucracy, having to think about whom I have to involve in a process, who needs to give connect. I just want to get started with the content. I like work and health principles, but then people based and focused. I don't get much energy from technical health issues like air tubes in ceilings, sick buildings and stuff. 10 months I have been working at this second company. It's going up to the year. But I already heard I get to stay a little bit longer. 9 months from now until september 1st 2014.

Ciao!

Ixis

Bucket List

I believe that there are key moments in life, that make you who you are. Moments like this shape you and lay the path for the future as they influence your choices and view on life. When my grandfather passed away in november it made me realize once again how valuable life is, and how quickly it may end. My grandfather had the opportunity to become 82 and enjoy a full life with his wife, children and grandchildren. But this is not true for everyone. Some leave the earth more early, but you never know when. For this I realized once more how important it is to live life to the fullest. Everyday may be your last. Therefore I decided to create a bucket list. A list of things I would like to do and have done in my life. The list is based on my point in life at this moment. It may change in the future and be supplemented. But for now it looks like this:

* Living toghether

* Buying a house and creating a home

* Building my/our own house

* Having a job I truly love

* Being happy in my job (as it is for a long time of my life)

* Getting married

* Becoming a Mother

* Writing a story book

* Writing a cook book

* Following a course for being a judge at gymnastics

* Teaching gymnastics to kids

* Visiting / traveling to the Caribbean

* Being able to make beautiful decorations for cakes and cupcakes

* Climbing the Eiffel Tower

Ciao!

Ixis

You'll be sorry anyway

As a student job I am a receptionist at an elderly care centre. Occasionally new people come to live at this home. Today and elderly man and his wife came by, to see one of our rooms, the man is going to live with us due to his care needs. This process of him getting this flat didn't go very smooth, and as the holiday seasons progresses several of our employees are on vacation. This isn't exactly smoothening the process. Today both him and his wife were grumpy about this whole process and all the delays. At one point this afternoon, when they were looking at the flat, the man came to ask me something. When walking back to the flat, he shared me the story of him and his wife, and that she has cancer. He told me out of the blue and I really felt sorry for them. His wife is sick and now all of this trouble with the flat comes on top of that. At one point he asked me what I knew about marriage. He told me a very wise thing. When married, you will always get regrets. It didn't really made sense to me until he elaborated on it. When you get married, you will regret it when you married too fast, but you will also regret it when you married too late. Wise words, from what I think a wise man. Hope everything will turn out ok with the flat, so that he and his wife will have one thing less to worry about.

Ciao!

Ixis

Looking back...

Source: www.cherrybam.com

There are some things in life that (looking back on it) were not the most smart things to do. But does life have to be all about being smart? As I posted in my previous article, I think not. You can write about the things you should or should not do, but actually doing things can trigger a reaction. Positive or negative. When I was 17 I kissed a boy whom I thought was real nice and cute. However at the time I was dating someone else for a month. This guy kind off made the decision on his own that we were dating, by telling me (after we kissed the first time) 'Ok, now I'm not single anymore'. I was 17 and just went with it. In this month we saw each other maybe 5 times, because he was graduating and had to study a lot. So I didn't experience it as a real relationship. Then this party came and I can remember it quite vividly. 'Just do, as you heart tells you to do' my girlfriend told me. And I did :) And kissed this guy I was really into. On the one hand you can say I cheated on this guy I was dating for a month. And technically I did. But I experienced this 'relationship' in a completely different way. If I wanted to do the smart thing, I should have told him that one kiss does not mean you immediately are in a relationship with the guy. But I was naive and didn't do that. So at the party, I followed my heart for the evening and that made me smile. 

Ciao!

Ixis

Talk Less, Do More

Ok, who am I kidding. I'm not a 'live-life-to-the-fullest' kinda person. I wish I was, but I'm not. All these quotes like 'live like there is no tomorrow' and 'live like everyday can be your last' are very beautiful ánd very true! But I don't life up to them. I'm very much of a doubter. About which glasses to buy, whether this pants look good on me, about whether or not to go to a party, about love.. sort off about everyting. I should talk less about these things and do more! I want to go that party, but on the other hand I don't. Why? I think because I almost never do things like this. I'm not spontaneous. Sometimes I'm jealous of some of my friends, just because they áre those type of persons who just do things. They feel like it, and they go for it. What's wrong with me that I am not like that? Eventually people may stop ask me to join for parties or other events because they know I will never come (well not never, but let's say, not often either). Because it's difficult with travel, with the time to come home, with my mom who rather has me close by to protect me. Yeah... and me? I'm a wimp who listens to all of it. As you may reason from this, I'm very insecure. Whether or not I'm liked enough and everything. I should stop talking about it and do more! Because every time I hear my friends talk about things they did, I whished I was there to join them and enjoy it with them. Sometimes I'm complaining that I'm not undertaking enough now that I'm still young. So I should just stop talking and do more. But why am I still in two minds?

Ciao!

Ixis

Slow down and enjoy life

It's so true! Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast, you also miss the sense of where you are going and why. I was standing in the garden the other day and noticed some trees a couple houses further that I never noticed before! There are so many beautiful things around us that you only notice when you just slow down and enjoy life! Life is short and before you know it, you're all grown up.

Ciao!

Ixis