First meeting

So, now it is 100% sure. Next monday I will start at my new job. And to be honest, again I am kind o terrified. A new beginning, new people, new working methods, different culture. Al this I have to absorb again. Today I am invited to already join a meeting. I want to relax about it and just let it happen, but I have always been this nerveous little person, who (in a perfect world) would like to control everything.

Ciao!

Ixis

95% sure

It sure looks like it! I am beginning a new career. Or at least, I am 95% sure. Hope those remaining 5% will be add up to it after tomorrow.

So last week I finally got a phone call from this organization. They have done some math and could tell me for how long and how much hours I could be hired. Once I knew that, the difficult job of telling my former boss was the only thing left to do. Difficult, because I also would have loved to go back there, but there was no security. So I called, told her the news and got the response which I thought I would get: 'Great news! Congratulations, you should go for it'.  It is still not sure whether or not I can go back, and if so, for how long will it be? I have a little bit more security at this new thing. So tomorrow there is an appointment to talk through all the final things. It is sinking in that the door was closed for the last time at my former company. But hopefully new doors will be opened and this new one.

Ciao!

Ixis

Still calling....

Haven't called my former boss yet, because I am still waiting for more details regarding my possible new job. Only if I have those and the company and I can come to a satisfactional (?) understanding for both parties, I have the complete picture. And only then I can give the complete picture to my former boss. Hope to have this info quite soon so I can close things up nicely, make my head clear about the different possibilities and start working towards this new start, which I guess will be at this new place. But then again, you never know how things might go.

Ciao!

Ixis

Online journal

This blog really has become my online journal. A place to vent my feelings, thoughts and emotions, when I feel there is no other place. Tomorrow (well actually today when you look at the time) feels like decision day. I am going to call my former boss and tell her about this other job offer. I think I already know her answer, which for me will lead to be a real closure point. It hasn't been truly real up to this point, but it is hitting me that, with 99,9% certainty I ain't going back there. Tomorrow almost certain the new path will be walked on. I am really going to miss my 'old' environment. My colleagues with whom I had an amazing time, and really made me feel at ease there. It also kind of feels like betraying my direct co-workers as they kept sending me messages to hope to see me again soon. But I didn't choose to leave. That choice was made for me. Now this mourning proces really starts to hit me. Well maybe it happened for a reason.

Ciao!
Ixis

One choice less

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about a job vacancy with fixed contract at my former employer. It was a vacancy in a different city in which the organization in also active. My ex-collegues even put in a good word for me and asked whether or not they would see me as an internal candidate for this job. Today I got a phone call regarding the application process. It turned out that the vacancy was already filled by another internal candidate who already has a fixed contract with the company. But they wanted to consider me for another vacancy if I was interested. But as it was a temporary contract for 3 days a week there are better options for me. It does suck a little bit that the chance of a fixed positions (in a company I really loved working in) slipped through my fingers. But to be honest, I wasn't looking forward to the driving distance each day. And would working there be the same as working where I worked? Well that no longer is of concern as I have one choice less.

Monday I am invited to an award event at my former company for a project I co-worked on (how nice of them to invite me!) So then I hope to be able to inform about my chances to return to the company.

If not I am going to accept the job offer that was done to me from this other organization. I know it is a luxury position and especially in this time of economic crisis. 

Ciao!

Ixis

Learning to let go

Appropriate quote I found on an other blog

I ain't going back

In my last blogpost I wrote about my 'sort of' job interview. A few days later I got a phone call that this organization wants me to come work for them! Great! No more insecurity because now I know for sure that I have a job and thus income again. However, as I explained during the interview I have written a letter for a job somewhere else. So they want me to come work for them, but they give me time to wait and see what result will come out of my letter I wrote to this other company. That gives me just a great position. 

However, I feel that my opportunity to go back to my former employer become smaller and smaller. I even start to think that I ain't going back there. This is kind off a new insight as the past couple of weeks I had always this little voice in my head saying that in the end I was going back there. Things have changed. Opportunities arose and because of this, I now strongly feel that going back is no longer the best / most obvious option. It's quite hard to explain. This feeling or realisation as you might call it, makes me miss the good times I had there even more, as I now really face the fact that I might never experience those again. The goodbyes there were just formal goodbyes when I left. Because I would be back here. But now I just don't see that happen anymore. So it is a little bit of grieve knowing that it (almost certainly) has ended. 

Change is approaching. If one thing is certain in life it is that nothing will stay the same and everything will change. I am not so good with change. I haven't figured out quite yet what it is that makes me dislike change (except a bit of human nature i guess), but it makes me feel restless. Change creates new expectations and can I life up to them? Change gives insecurity, will it get better than the situation I was in? Or isn't it possible to get better and will I only loose something? These are questions I struggle with. Change makes me fear the unknown, even if I already know this unknown for a little bit. 

Ciao!

Ixis

Clarity?

Had my job interview yesterday. Did it go well? Well I think so, but I don't know. Even though we talked for an hour and a half, it is always guessing whether or not you fit in the profile the interviewers want you to fill. So we will see. I also talked to my former boss again yesterday. No clarity about whether or not there is a possibility to work there again. She learned that I found a vacancy in a different region in which the same company is also located and she wanted to put in a good word for me. Well that is terrific of course! But, this siting is 45 minutes away. I don't know if I want this, if I can do this. So I am already getting really nervous for something which isn't even decided yet. But because of the good words which are done for me, I feel this huge pressure. A pressure to live up to the expectations which have been created about me. I don't know if I can. And if I can and have to go work there. Will I like it? And what about the traveling time? Ugh... Thinking rationally about it, I feel such an idiot wining about this. I have no job and no income at the moment. In this time of crisis. So every chance I could possibly get, I should take with both hands and go for it. 

But what the brain says and what the heart says are two different things.

Ciao!

Ixis

Developments, developments... Job wise

2013 is five days old, and again my job hunt is at full blast. Several days ago I received a message from a former colleague who was informing about my job hunt, and outspoke that he and my other ex-colleauges hope to see me again soon. Well I for sure won't argue with that! So likewise. The same day I saw a vacancy at my former company for the same position. To be honest I already put it away as contract-wise positions with a temporary contract are not possible. But the same night a contact I know a bit longer, pointed the vacancy out to me, and made me notice that it was not a temporary position. So it is possible for me to apply for it! But, it's a position in a whole different city. And even though it is the same organization, it is a different region. And every region works differently. So do I want this? But on the other hand, it is about a permanent position. Choices, choices! What a position I am in. Am I really given an opportunity to choose? (Well let's not get ahead of ourselves, but it sure is looking that way).

This week I am also going to talk at a governmental organization who have a vacancy. I think I can almost say out loud that it is a true job interview and not just a 'talk'. I am also going to talk at a company working in the field of sickness absence and reintegration. A thing I (think I) love. 

Then again there is this gentleman at another organization saying they will be hiring in january, most likely for something in my field of expertise otherwise he wouldn't have contacted me. And then perhaps the possibility to get back to my former organization. 

Choices, choices... Even though it is a luxury position, I am really nervous. Where will I end up? And will I do the right thing? Will I choose right? Or don't I get a choice at all? What if all these possibilities don't work out. Then what?

Ciao!

Ixis

Happy 2013

And that's it for the holiday's of this (well technically last) year. 2013 has arrived, so a last new years wish! All the best for everyone!

Today new year made me quit sad. Thinking about things I didn't do, things I (think I) miss out on in my life. My job loss, not being able to do the things I want to do. Always looking at things from a negative point of view. An even knowing this, makes me sad.

So a good intention this year is being more positive. Be happy with the things I do have. And if I am sad for things I didn't do, than just take action on it!

Ciao!
Ixis