still nothing

Regarding my contract at work I still don't know a thing. each time there comes a story or an argument why it is not clear yet. And each time there comes a promise (of some sort, from someone). And each time, this promise is broken again. First I would hear it before I went on holiday.When I came back, no news. Than it was going to be spoken about past thursday. But the agenda was already to full and people could not prepare themselves for the proposal. So it will be discussed next week they say. So they say..... because next week is a holiday week and the director of my company is not present. So I am positive it will not be addressed this Thursday. And what can I do about it? absolutely nothing. The only thing I can do is look outside this company for a job. Even though I want some security because I want to continue in life, I have to take into account I won't get that security here. Too bad.....

Ciao!

Ixis

3 more weeks - Countdown Indonesia

3 more weeks to go. I am getting little nervous job-wise, because I was told that I 'probably' would hear something about my job future before I go on vacation. Hopefully this is true. I learned that these little prognosis can change quite a lot. So it is difficult for me to really know how my future looks like job-wise. This Tuesday, september 1st, I will see the person who should be able to tell me anything. So I just have to go and ask.

Ciao!

Ixis

It won't become clear, till the end of the year

In the last blogpost I wrote about being able to stay at my job or not. Unfortunately this won't be clear until the end of this year. But my boss isn't much optimistic about the whole matter. it seems like I am forced to apply for jobs again. Ugh.... Who knows what it will bring. Is it supposed to be this way, so this is my chance to make a career change? Because my boss did tell me something about several possible career openings in the social field. I definitely have to keep it warm.

One things that bothers me about this, is how it affects my life planning (well duh...). Just four weeks ago my niece gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Which made me think about having kids (again). I want to start a family someday and maybe that day is becoming closer. But not having a secure base of having a job does interfere with this. But then again I think of these quotes that life is not plan-able. But for deciding to see if it is giving to us to get kids, a secure base would be nice!

It's frustrating to hear again that by boss doesn't want to loose me, but seems to be tied by the law. Well that doesn't help me much! Apparently I am not meant to get a fixed contract (yet). I am curious to see what doors will open. I think I have to have faith in how everything will turn out. Because up until now, everything has turned out fine.

Ciao!

Ixis

Studying!

Almost 4 years after graduation from my master  I am going to study again. Really small in comparison as I am just going to follow one course, but I am going to study again. I like it. Yesterday I applied for the course and within 7 working days I will receive my course material. I am going to do a course introduction in health psychology. I feel it fits quite nicely with my master in health Sciences - Public Health. So lets hope it does fit and perhaps we can do some more courses then. This one is financed by my employer. But of course my employer will not finance any other studies if they don't have a direct usability for my job, or if my contract won't be prolonged. And that is getting a little bit more scary every day. Finally I feel like I am settling in. In these past 2 years I had some different projects and all, and from the beginning of this year I finally feel a bit like I am in the right place. And maybe now when my contract will end, it won't be prolonged. Heard some colleagues talk about the same subject yesterday. Talking about there own career paths. So it made me realize to indeed go on an active search around summer. But I keep postponing it. First because my contract had been prolonged each time, second because I am not so good with change and like to hold on to what I know and third because I finally feel like I am fitting in job wise.

Ciao!

Ixis

14 days till Christmas

Two weeks left until Christmas! Yesterday at work there was a mystery aggressor. Together with a colleague we arranged it and staged a scene of verbal violence, to create awareness. The company chief was in on it, and it was especially meant to create awareness amongst the department chiefs (so my boss). And it worked. Got some great compliments about it. But I also heard that the company chief is really strict in contracts and prolonging them permanently. So probably my temporary contract, which cannot be prolonged anymore by law, is most likely to end in about 6,5 months. So form January on I think I have to seriously start looking for another job. Not only because I keep murmuring about not knowing whether or not I want to keep doing this this for the rest of my life, but because I have to.

Ciao!

Ixis

23 days till Christmas

Let the countdown begin! ;) We already have some presents in the attic which can be given and unwrapped when it's Christmas. Only 23 days left!

I have been working full-time for a year now. It's okay, I am used to it by now. The salary is nice because of it. But I won't deny loving the 4 day work week. It has also been a year since I became the advisor of this new organization part. Eventhough there can, and will be a lot of sh*t going on, it is also really fun and challenging to do. Today I also had a chat with an upcoming head of the new social domain department. Just to get a better feel of what is going on there so it can help me choose my own career and make a career step in that direction. Because, let's face it. In about 7 months it might just be the case that I am looking for a new career then. In about 2 months, February, I am going to talk to my boss again about my contract. Because I need to give me some time in searching for a possible new job. It makes me nervous writing about it because it might just as well be reality. From the beginning they have told me it is a temporary position. With my new colleague starting the day after tomorrow there might me hands enough so they can let me go. I have to keep in mind that were one door closes another one opens. 

Ciao!

Ixis

Hello November

Hello November! If you are this warm and sunny the entire month, I am going to love you. about 20 degrees Celsius and lot's of sun. Love it! You don't expect that in November. Waauw, it has been a very quit October. Only one post. About a week and a half ago my friends and I went to see a stand up comedian in Tilburg. We all took the afternoon of this particular wednesday off and headed off to the theater. We enjoyed the city for a bit, grabbed some nice dinner and saw the show. I had a blast! As a dutch saying goes 'I have gotten a good taste of it' and now I want some more. So my boyfriend and I are looking for some shows in the near future from other comedians. We also have some new holiday plans! Considering Indonesia as our next travel location. Together with a friend who has an Indonesian girlfriend. Thinking about going there September/October 2015. Hopefully I still have a job by then, or have found a new one. Because my contract will presumably end July 2015.

Let's see what November will bring. Going to the end of the year. Hope the winter will be soft as last year. Christmas is around the corner. Although, with this weather you wouldn't say so. 

Ciao!

Ixis

A week off - tagging along with a colleague

Next week (including this friday) I am having the week off. So time for relaxing, some 'me-time' and doing fun stuff. I have promised myself to go shopping, to bake, to finish my photo book from our holiday last year and all that sort of stuff. 

Next to that I have asked a colleague if I could tag along one time. This is a colleague in a field of expertise which I think I am interested in as well. As I wrote about it earlier here in 2011 and here in 2012. That is how time flies. Wauw.  

My colleague's job is about social support in the community, public health. So much more oriented towards my master's degree at the university. As I work at a government organization we have HR as well as the social domain.Next thursday I am allowed to tag along with her for an appointment. I am very curious to see how this goes and if this does cover my interests. If so, I can start moulding my career in that direction. 

Ciao!

Ixis

1,5 year milestone, clearance in what I want?

Have been working at the company for 1,5 years now, another milestone. 2 weeks ago I received my 'new contract', it is prolonged until July 1th 2015. So if all goes well I will at least make the 2-year mark and almost the 2,5 year mark. At least that kind of helps from not being a job hopper. Last week for the first time I felt it was becoming a bit more concrete what it is I want to do, but especially why. I feel like I want to be socially involved in the first line. Ok, this is probably going to sound a bit weird in English, but I'll try to explain. Because it helps me when I have to explain it to a future employer. I have an advisory job now. And most of what I do is advise some else to do something in a certain way. I feel like I want to be the person doing the actual work. Advising makes it feel to much from a distance. Besides I feel like I want to really mean something and be able to see it. So to be directly involved in everything. I want to feel my job has meaning. Help people who really need it. I experience these feel ins second hand now while advising. I want to feel them first hand. Besides, I think I can be of much more help when doing something actually socially involved. Not just finding a way to lots of bureaucracy in side conditions.

Ciao!
Ixis

10 Good Reminders for Stressful Times

There are lots of things in life which can cause stressful moments. Your job, your social life, all kinds of obligations to friends, family, colleagues, sports and so on and so on. There are times when you just get caught up in it. It is good to keep seeing things in perspective. While surfing I encountered 10 things to think about when life delivers a dose of difficulty and stress.  

1. Happiness is never constant, and it’s not supposed to be. – You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.  To believe that you can reach a state of happiness and stay there forever, is like the tide believing she can reach for the shoreline and remain there forever; or like a fruit tree believing that if she only holds on tighter, she can keep her fruit from dropping to the ground.  Happiness is simply a series of moments that come and go and add sweetness to our lives.  Learn to accept this, and the more happy moments you will have.  
2. Failures are temporary situations that teach us necessary lessons. – Life’s best lessons are usually learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  So yes, you will fail sometimes.  The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  So get out there and try!  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.
3. Even if you can’t see it now, you are making progress. – You may not be where you want to be yet, but if you think about it, you’re no longer where you once were either.  You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward.  Not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you survived the bad ones, and taken small steps in the right direction.  So cry for a moment if you have to, and get it out of your system.  Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak; since birth, it has always been a sign that you’re alive and full of potential.  Once you’re done, keep going!  You’re undoubtedly getting closer to where you want to be.
4. How you feel when you’re stressed is not a true measure of reality. – Just because you’re afraid, doesn’t mean you’re in danger.  Just because you feel alone, doesn’t mean nobody loves you.  Just because you think you might fail, doesn’t mean you will.  Look beyond your doubts and keep searching for the truth.  Be aware of your mental self-talk.  We all talk silently to ourselves in our heads, but we aren’t always conscious of what we’re saying or how it’s affecting us.  The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.  Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  The sun is always shining on some part of your life.  
5. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. – You can learn great things from your failures and mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.  If you’ve been asking the same questions for months or even years, yet are still stuck, it’s probably not that you haven’t been given the answers, but that you don’t like the answers you were given.  It takes a lot of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage still, to accept the responsibility for actually changing it.  The most important step forward is taking the first step.  The simple act of getting started and doing something will give you the momentum you need, and soon you’ll find yourself in a positive spiral of positive changes – one building on the other.
6. You are not what happened to you in the past. – No matter how chaotic the past has been, the future is a clean, fresh, wide open slate. You are not your past habits. You are not your past failures. You are not how others have at one time treated you. You are only who you think you are right now in this moment. You are only what you do right now in this moment.  
7. Not getting what you want can be a blessing. – Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck, because it forces you to reevaluate things, opening new doors to opportunities and information you would have otherwise overlooked.  Remember, some things in life fall apart so that better things can fall together.
8. Being a ‘work in progress’ is a great state to be in. – Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress.  Start embracing it!  Because being a work in progress doesn’t mean you’re not good enough today; it means you want a better tomorrow, and you wish to love yourself completely, so you can live your life fully.  It means you’re determined to heal your heart, expand your mind and cultivate the gifts you know you’re meant to share.  May we all be works in progress forever, and celebrate the fact that we are!
9. Nobody else can do it for you. – Keep doing what you know in your heart is right for YOU.  Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions louder than your words.  Live by choice, not by chance.  Make changes, not excuses.  Be motivated, not manipulated. Work to excel, not compete.  Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else.  It’s your road, and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
10. Life is not easy, but it’s worth it. – If you expect it to be, you will perpetually disappointed yourself.  Achieving anything worthwhile in life takes effort.  So start every morning ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.  Above all, make sure you properly align your efforts with your goals.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.

Job insecurities

Ugh.. At the moment I am not so happy at my job. Since december I am sort of working part-time 2 jobs combined in one, and at the same employer. It's al very new and this second job is an organization in the build. It just started six months ago, so everything needs to be set up. My 'original'  job on the other hand continues. The pressure that comes with this is high. For a part challenging, but being at it for 3 months now I also see the debts of it. I feel like haven't got the time to do each job well. And on top of that I feel like I don't seem to fit in the team anymore. Don't know what it is exactly, but just these minor hints (well, in my eyes). Looking weird at me, not grasping what I am saying, making comments out on the hallway, asking me to think out of the box, but when I am asking certain questions, replying very much inside the box, and these sorts of things. it takes up a large part of my life. I like to go there every day with new confidence, but these last few weeks every day this renewed confidence is degraded by these little events. You probably know I am a very insecure person, so this sure doesn't help. It really does make me think about the content of the job. Because I get to do something I thought I liked. But know I am not sure. But has it to do with the job content? Or the circumstances which just make it difficult for me to do job properly. 

Ciao!

Ixis

It hit me

Yesterday and the day before it hit me (again). My job is just temporary. I know that. But in the last few months it seemed so far away that I wasn't really thinking about it. But the day before yesterday the subject at work came across about wanting to do an advisory job for a new company. It is going to be like a daughter company from the one I work in now. I started thinking about what the consequences would be for my contract. Because if I would be the one do to this job, will it have any effect on my contract? I don't know the answers but then it hit me that I am already five months with the company, and with each day the end date comes closer. And then what? Can I stay? Well most certainly not as it is clearly communicated as a temporary job. But it scares me a little bit to have to search for a new job all over again. The change is a constant which I have to get used to, but are there any jobs to find? The economy isn't exactly thriving. Worries for now, but also worries for later. We can't predict the future, who knows what will happen and what opportunities come up. But of course the not knowing (for me) is uncomfortable.

Ciao!

Ixis

New week

Tomorrow a new week will start. Or, depending from the way you look at the calendar, it already started. For me a new week starts on monday =)

Week 6 at my new job, and I am going to follow a course on tuesday. Real exited to be able to develop myself on this job through courses like these, but the school is kind off far away for me. It is situated in the middle of the country. But as I live in the utmost south of it, it is quit a journey. The whether forecast isn't exactly good for this tuesday so I just hope everything will go fine with the public transport. 

Last week I wrote about going back for one last time to my former employer. It was wonderful to be back at one of the locations. And I encountered a former colleague with whom I worked directly. The experience gave me a feeling of 'missing'. It was a wonderful year with wonderful people I had there. And I know I was just lucky to be apart of it. Therefore I still sometimes miss it. Which is actually a good thing, because it shows the nice times I had. 

This weekend my boyfriend and I went shopping for a garden set. A nice table with some lovely chairs to be able to sit and enjoy the sun or to have a barbecue. As March is progressing the hopes of spring come through, and we want to beat the real business with people shopping for gardensets. We did find a set we liked, but being a girl, I wanted to see if we would find something even nicer. We visited a few stores, but the first set is still the nicest. Probably going back there end of the week to place an order.

Have a nice week everybody!

Ciao!

Ixis

I ain't going back

In my last blogpost I wrote about my 'sort of' job interview. A few days later I got a phone call that this organization wants me to come work for them! Great! No more insecurity because now I know for sure that I have a job and thus income again. However, as I explained during the interview I have written a letter for a job somewhere else. So they want me to come work for them, but they give me time to wait and see what result will come out of my letter I wrote to this other company. That gives me just a great position. 

However, I feel that my opportunity to go back to my former employer become smaller and smaller. I even start to think that I ain't going back there. This is kind off a new insight as the past couple of weeks I had always this little voice in my head saying that in the end I was going back there. Things have changed. Opportunities arose and because of this, I now strongly feel that going back is no longer the best / most obvious option. It's quite hard to explain. This feeling or realisation as you might call it, makes me miss the good times I had there even more, as I now really face the fact that I might never experience those again. The goodbyes there were just formal goodbyes when I left. Because I would be back here. But now I just don't see that happen anymore. So it is a little bit of grieve knowing that it (almost certainly) has ended. 

Change is approaching. If one thing is certain in life it is that nothing will stay the same and everything will change. I am not so good with change. I haven't figured out quite yet what it is that makes me dislike change (except a bit of human nature i guess), but it makes me feel restless. Change creates new expectations and can I life up to them? Change gives insecurity, will it get better than the situation I was in? Or isn't it possible to get better and will I only loose something? These are questions I struggle with. Change makes me fear the unknown, even if I already know this unknown for a little bit. 

Ciao!

Ixis

Best wishes!

Hope everyone had a wonderful christmas. Just a couple more days and 2012 will come to and end. So I want to wish everyone all the best for 2013. That you may find love and happiness and a bit of security in these times of crisis. 

Last year I wrote about 2012 hopefully being the year of living together. Here we are, one year later and I am typing this in my own home :) I also wrote about being happy in my job. Well that turned out a little bit different. Hopefully 2013 will bring me a new job in which I can develop myself professionally. And then let's see in december 2013 what has come of it.

Happy Holiday's

Ciao!

Ixis 

Nervous

Today it's been exactly one year since I got hired. Tomorrow I will find out whether or not I may stay. So to be honest, I am quite nervous. On the one hand I feel confident as my boss and I did not have to talk about whether I function or not (compliment?). But on the other hand, socio-economic circumstances makes a fucture in this fiel very unsure. Well, we will see I guess.

Ciao!

Ixis

Finally

Finally had the nerves to asked my boss about my contract. However, no clear answer. In my field of expertise there are a lot of reorganizations and budget cuts from the government. I am the one with the temporary contract, so adding up the sum seems simple. That's why I want to know where I stand. In case it becomes reality that I have to find another job. Well there was a positive and negative side to my boss' answer. First of all we made plans to sit together and evaluate this last year. Positive: the topic to discuss will not be about whether or not I function. So I take it, it means I am doing a good job. Negative: we have to see what the future will bring regarding possibilities. Whatever it may mean concretely. Maybe there is no more money for an extra employee through the budget cuts. Or does 'possibilities' mean that there are possibilities for me and that there is a future? Next thursday I hope to know more.

Ciao!

Ixis

Back to work

After having had a week off, I have to get back to work tomorrow. I'm a bit anxious for all the things that are waiting for me like e-mail, different questions, projects etc. We will see. Tomorrow will be month number twelve already! After november I will be working there for a year.

*update 21:54*
already peaked in my e-mail, and within just this week I got a hundred mails. For some this may not may be much, but thinking that almost every e-mail leads to an action, and all the things still waiting for me it's a lot. Especially knowing that with the busy day tomorrow I won't be able to start on it at all.

Ciao!

Ixis