Sharing

ok, long time no see. A lot has happened since the last time I uploaded a post. But today I would like to write about the realization that I cannot share. Attention to be more precice. It is a diffucult matter. I don't like to be the center of attention (annymore). But then, when I am not (after a period of 11 years), it maken me feel uneasy. Unsure and insecure about myself. Rationally I know thisis the biggest bullshit, but it is difficult to rationalize feelings. So that is just it for now.

Ciao!
Ixis

Quote

Makes you think, doesn't it?

Fall

It's fall already. Hope to be able to enjoy some more nice sunny days with the coloring and falling of the leaves.

400th blogpost

About 5,5 years since I started this blog and yesterday I have reached by 400th post. So I guess it is safe to say I am not really a storyteller or writer :) I do find however, this page is an outlet for me to let my thoughts wander and write down things that are on my mind. 

Ciao!

Isis

Lazy?

Ok, I am on a little rant here. But why are there differences in people to be active and do things (like household chores) and people who refuse to do it? And in my case, those two definitely don't work together (in a literal sense). 

I really like lazy weekends. Especially after a few busy weeks I can really look forward to doing absolutely nothing. But how much as I would love to do that, there is a voice in my head, (I like to call him responsibility) who is making me get up and do things. Like the laundry, cleaning the house, ironing, keeping track of household expenses, doing other finances al little bit of (also therapeutic) gardening and so on. 

But not everyone is like that. Some don't feel the responsibility as much as others. Maybe because they weren't raised that way? It is hard for me to believe that. I was always taught to 'work' first before I was able to 'play', no matter if it was with school, homework, doing chores or whatever. I used to be an athlete at gymnastics. I guess I also learned this 'work'  before ' play' attitude there. You have to be determined. You have to achieve your goals because no one else is going to do it for you. So this mentality is in my system. 

Thinking about a new life phase, things like these also matter to me. Differences don't have to be a problem. But if you cannot talk about them because the other party refuses to take it seriously (I am talking two ways here), what does that say about the future? 

So then I guess these (little) things help in realizing maybe I am not yet ready for a new life phase.

Ciao!

Ixis

Life phases

How do you know you are ready for a next life phase? Is it even possible to know?

Almost 1 year off of the birth control pill

It has been almost one year since I took my last birth control pill. It was October 22nd. Not to get pregnant, just to get my body functioning naturally again. It took 6,5 months before I got my first natural period. These 28 weeks sure had its effect on my body. I noticed pimples on my face, first some weight loss (probably water), my mood changed a bit, my libido changed a bit and my hair started to shed... A lot. 

I have been using Minoxidil and a pillfood supplement for about 3 months now. The pillfood helps strengthening my hair and nails. I do notice a lot of difference in my nails. They are much stronger and seem to grow faster. My hair not so much. Thankfully the seemingly allergic reaction stopped and didn't come back. But then, your hair doesn't grow as quickly as your nails. So I want to try the minoxidil for at least 6 months. I do seem to notice a little bit of effect the last few weeks. It seems like my hairs that ar still on my head seem to be growing again. I do not spot any new hairs yet. But we remain hopeful. Researching the internet does connect quitting the birtcontrol pill and hair loss. Apparently also estrogen is an important component. And since quitting the bird control pill and not having an ovulation for 6 months, sure gave my body a great drop in estrogen. So hopefully my hormonal balance will restore itself. 

On the positive side my menstrual cycle has been quite regular ever since the natural cycle came back. not taking the first 6,5 months into account I've had 5 periods the other 5 months and expecting my next one next week. So quite happy with that!

Ciao!

Ixis

OK guys.... Canada is just absurd! *and I mean that in a good way*

And then I am back again. First posting countdowns, and before you know it you are sleeping in your own bed again and work awaits next monday. But how beautiful it was! I was a bit sceptical at first. I am not really a nature person (I thought), so I was a bit anxious how Canada would fit me. But it fits me perfectly. The unbelieveble beauty of Alberta and Britisch Columbia really got to me. The blueness of the lakes with their glacier water, the mountains, the hikes, just astonishing. Keep reading for a little travel log and just some of the many beautiful pictures we could make.

Canada countdown: 2 weeks to go!

Oh my gosh, our trip is getting closer and closer. Especially my boyfriend has been looking into our trip as we got a lot of pamphlets and our schedule. Me not so much. Of course I am looking forward to this trip. But it feels a little bit like camping, and that is just not for me. So a little bit anxious about not knowing what to expect. Like always....

Ciao!
Ixis

Do as you say and say what you do

It is a sentence frequently said. And it is worth a lot in my job. But apparently I am te only one acting after it! So why should you act the way you say? Or just not around me? Am I 'too nice'? How the h*ll can you be too nice? Am I just not cocky or spontaneous enough? Is that why? It's always the same. Fine! If then I won't jump through hoops any more. I just have to get back into control myself.

Ciao!

Ixis

31 days!

Nope, not a countdown. But my third menstrual cycle. I am really happy with this, because it is nice and spot on the 'regular' time for a cycle. My hair loss however is a disaster. A few weeks ago I went to my practionor and he gave me vitamin pills and minoxidil lotion. My blood work came back just fine and within 'normal' limits. Nice to know, but difficult to find a cause then. A few weeks later however I am having a skin rash which is extremely itchy! It's all over my ears and in my neck. Which are not places I put the lotion on. So it is strange. And it only appeared after two weeks. Maybe I was Alitalia bit overenthousiastic and I put in too much. So now a bit less lotion each aplliciation and a new doctors appointment by the end of the week. Don't notice much difference in hair densityor thickness. But I seem to notice my hair changing as it seems to be more curly. Which I kind off like! But not much less shedding of hairs and no little baby hairs spotted. But then, I am only appling the lotion for 3 weeks now. I do seems to notice some effect from the vitamines to my nails, they seem to become more strong.

Ciao!
Ixis

Canada countdown: 4 weeks to go!

The countdown continues. 4 more weeks to go till we go off to Canada!

You know you are getting old when....

• You feel dizzy after doing only 1 summersault
• You are tired after 10 minutes of trampoline jumping
• Children call your friend (and probably you too) 'you' the fancy way (this one is only funny in Dutch probably)
• You still feel a bit woozy the day after
• Your muscles hurt the day after

Went to jump XL yesterday! A belated birthday presents from my friends. It is a giant trampoline park. How awesome! With my gymnastic past I absolutely loved it. But trying to do some of the tricks I just to be able to do in a blink of eye, made me realize I have become old.... I did try some tricks and still some of them are 'in my DNA'. How cool! But being 16 years out of the gymnast scene (how cool), sure had its traces. Is was scared doing some tricks. Like the backflip, I just was too scared to try. I did it 2 times in the pit. I just didn't dare it on the trampoline. And after my first summersault. I was just dizzy! phew.. Never had that back in the good ol' days. However it was a blast. And I sure would like to do it again!

But jeez, I an getting old!

Ciao!

Ixis

Canada countdown: 6 weeks to go!

It is becoming closer and closer, only 6 more weeks to go!

Change is the only constant

I had this quote once before I think, but it is so true! In life, especially at work this line is a steady base. My work has been really dynamic lately. And looking back, this job has been one bumpy dynamic ride. Just now my colleague phoned me saying she (for 99%) has a new job. For her it is brilliant. At work she wasn't able any more to be herself and evolve. She literally became sick of it. I am happy for her, but a little sad for me. She is the second 'working experience' colleague I had and I she was really nice to work with! My first colleague left after a little over a year because he wanted to go and study again. Then she came, and a little before she reaches the 2 year mark, she will most likely leave. 

Them leaving makes me a bit sad because it forces me to look at myself. The first colleague wanted to gain some work experience in the field. He was still young (2 years younger than me) and finding his professional self. I could very much relate because, as you know, I like my job but often wonder what else is out there. This find the 'else'  that is out there, you have to take a leap. He took one, and I didn't. Well baby steps I did, talking to some people, sniffing out different jobs. But not the big step. But then again, about 8 months ago I got myself a fixed contract. And in the life's phase I am in, it provides me with a little security. You know in case there will be babies. 

Then this girl came around, more sure this was her line of job. I could give her room and time to evolve in her job, she really liked it, our supervisor approved it, and we both were really finding our place in this job. Then with all the changes from last years and early on in this year, things changed again. The room to go besides your narrow job description became a lot smaller. Which for her meant a lot of handing in the extra things she could do. It is a shame because we really had it going good. Now she will most likely go off taking new steps, and I remain seated. Another mirror. 

Change is the only constant in life. A cliché quote because it is so true. I realize that for me change functions as a mirror. Because it makes me rethink my situation. I feel it only impacts me because it should impact me. It should function as a mirror. So I should really take it into account. I am just not quite sure how to proceed and take action for my own. 

Ciao!

Ixis

Went to the doctor

Today I went to the doctors to get a blood test done. My hair is really try thin and falling out by the piece that other people start noticing it too. As it really bothers and worries me I decided to pay a visited. Got some blood drawn today and it will be tested for all sorts of things. It will be checked for vitamins, glucose levels, kidney function, hormones and thyroid action. I also get medication and a lotion, which is ordered today and I can pick up tomorrow. Wednesday I can call back for the results of the bloodtest. To be honest I am quite nervous and a bit worried. Thyroid problems run in the family. But on the other hand, it is better to be aware of it so then action can be undertaken. 

Ciao!

Ixis

Not fitting in

There are many places I feel like a stranger, where I feel I don't belong. My family is one of those places. I don't mean my mom and dad, but my aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. They just seem like this completely different type of people. Everytime there is an event (like a birthday or something like that) I attend. But each time I just don't fit in. There is no conversation I can join. No questions I can ask. I am not loud enough, I am not asked. Then I invite my family once, almost no one can attend. It makes me feel like I just don't count. Today the son of my niece celebrated his first birthday. But I just couldn't make a conversation. Especially with my loud family. I also was embarrassed because I said something, which was blabbermouthed on to my entire family. Great. And my gift? Well, that was just a strange dirty book. Even though it was on the requested list. I am sure after I left my family would have complained about how cranky they probably found me, and how I made my mom and dad go home. Well I guess I have to deal with that. So next time? Maybe I will do my family a favor and don't attend. In that case I cannot ruin their celebration. And I get to spend a little free time for the weekend. Because guess what, it is already 7PM and in about 3 hours I need to go to bed, because the stupid tired me cannot get out of bed otherwise. 

Ciao!
Ixis

Canada countdown: 8 weeks to go!

Counting down continues. 8 more weeks to go. At the moment, I don't feel like going. I am a little bit sad.

second period

And it was quite accurate again. Last wednesday I got my period again. About a week after my nipples were sore. So I guess it is a clear indicator. I am quite happy with my cycle this time. From 196 days last time, my cycle was 37 days this time! Wauw, I am really proud of my body for cutting it down so much!

But my hormones were raging. I was (am still maybe) a real devil at home the past week(s). And ugh to my hair! It is so thin and falling out :( But since my body is still trying to regulate my cycle and my hormones I want to give it time. If it doesn't stabilize or improve maybe I should go and see a physician.

Ciao!
Isis

7 months off birth control

I have been 7 months off of birth control. 5 weeks ago I got my first actual period after 6,5 months. And actually it was my first real period after about 10 years on the pill. My belly is a little bit cramped up so maybe my next period is coming. Which would then be 5 weeks after the previous one. That would not be so bad, as it took my body 6,5 months to regulate all the hormones again. But I have to wait and see, because maybe nothing happens and it is just a cramp. However, these last few months I am noticing body changes much more clearly. For example about a week before my last period my nippels were sore. I recognized it immediately, and a week later I was getting my period. Last week my nipples were sore again, so if my period is coming it is a clear sign. 

I want to give my body some time to regulate itself again. There still are some symptoms or sign I am experiencing and I think it is relate to my hormones but I am not sure. Like my hairloss. Before, I didn't have thick hair, but after I quit birth control it has even become more thin! I started a special thickening shampoo and I am taking some extra vitamins now so I hope it will help. 

Ciao!

Ixis