I ain't going back

In my last blogpost I wrote about my 'sort of' job interview. A few days later I got a phone call that this organization wants me to come work for them! Great! No more insecurity because now I know for sure that I have a job and thus income again. However, as I explained during the interview I have written a letter for a job somewhere else. So they want me to come work for them, but they give me time to wait and see what result will come out of my letter I wrote to this other company. That gives me just a great position. 

However, I feel that my opportunity to go back to my former employer become smaller and smaller. I even start to think that I ain't going back there. This is kind off a new insight as the past couple of weeks I had always this little voice in my head saying that in the end I was going back there. Things have changed. Opportunities arose and because of this, I now strongly feel that going back is no longer the best / most obvious option. It's quite hard to explain. This feeling or realisation as you might call it, makes me miss the good times I had there even more, as I now really face the fact that I might never experience those again. The goodbyes there were just formal goodbyes when I left. Because I would be back here. But now I just don't see that happen anymore. So it is a little bit of grieve knowing that it (almost certainly) has ended. 

Change is approaching. If one thing is certain in life it is that nothing will stay the same and everything will change. I am not so good with change. I haven't figured out quite yet what it is that makes me dislike change (except a bit of human nature i guess), but it makes me feel restless. Change creates new expectations and can I life up to them? Change gives insecurity, will it get better than the situation I was in? Or isn't it possible to get better and will I only loose something? These are questions I struggle with. Change makes me fear the unknown, even if I already know this unknown for a little bit. 

Ciao!

Ixis